Object Constancy

The first memory I have of my wife and her lack of Object Constancy comes from before we were married. I was living in a different city and she came on the train to visit me one day. I was waiting for her on the platform excited to be reuinited with her after what felt, to me, like an eternity of separation (2 weeks). I saw her through the window of her car and was happily and excitedly waving at her. She just blankly stared at me. When she disembarked, she gave me a cold, formal, unsmiling hug and kissed the air beneath my ear. "Is something wrong?" I asked. "What did I do?". "Nothing. There's people here." was her response.

It felt thoroughly surreal to me. A couple weeks ago she had no problems with me. She was happy to see me. What had happened while we were away? I swallowed my discomfort.

Later, when she was acting more "normal", we talked about her behaviour at the train station. She remarked that she was afraid that she would not recognize me. Huhh? I thought by that time, knowing me for 2 years and dating for almost one, she would recognize me and be happy to see me! I could identify her by her dental work by that time! "I didn't know _Who_ you were or what you were like anymore." She explained. "It's only been two weeks. You make it sound like we've been apart for years."

It's like I don't exist if she can't see me every day. This has happened many times in various forms throughout our life together. She honestly cannot remember the _feeling_ of me (and others) being with her. The _feeling_ IS her reality. She couldn't remember the _feeling_ of my love for her (without seeing me each day) therefore, I don't love her.