Breaking the Cycle

Another reason I can not leave is that I must break the cycle.

My wife's family thought that they could not control their emotions. This is why they abused my wife physically and emotionally. When they felt like hitting someone, or destroying their emotions, they felt it was impossible to restrain themselves.

It reminds me of a story of a friend of mine. His Dr. asked him to get a urine sample. He went into the Dr's washroom and started filling the little bottle. Only once he had started did he realize that the toilet was already plugged and overflowing. My friend says that he was struggling to stand on his toes to urinate into the sink while holding the specimen bottle in one hand. When I pointed out that he could simply stop the urine he was baffled. He never thought that it was possible.

That's the way it was with my wife's family and their emotions. Her father felt that he deserved to die, he felt that he didn't have a choice and killed himself. You see, his family felt that they had no control over their emotions and had abused him. This cycle repeats on both sides of her family as far back as we can trace.

My family has our share of problems too. My father's mother was emotionally abusive and controlling. My father married a controlling woman. So did I.

So this brings me to my son. What a rotten heritage he has. Abusive on one side, and seeking abusers on the other. This cannot continue. It MUST stop with ME. I cannot quit. I cannot leave. I cannot waver. I must stand and take whatever comes. I cannot allow my son to naively find an abusive spouse. I cannot allow him to think that he cannot control his emotions. I must teach him the rotten truth and not try to hide it from him like it was hidden from me. If I left, my wife would kill herself. That would wound my son like it has wounded her. That cannot happen. I would sacrifice my happiness, my career, my health, my life for this purpose.

The cycle MUST be broken. I am already wounded. But the cycle will stop with ME.