Introduction

My name is Tyrone Jones.
Ok, that's a lie, my real name is not Tyrone Jones. I will not use my real name here because I am in an abusive relationship. I am afraid of what would happen if my wife found that I was making the info. in this blog public. But I am also afraid of what would happen to my state of mind if I don't "Get it out" somehow. So, I will change some details of my life for this blog so that it won't sound too much like the real me. If you know the real me and ask me about this blog -- I will claim not to have heard of it.

I am a slightly overweight 6' black man who works with computers. My wife is white and weighs about half of what I weigh. She can hit me as hard as she can and I don't even bruise. I can roll over in bed wrong and bruise her.

It is not really surprising that my wife and I are in an abusive relationship; we both come from abusive families. I know that she was physically and emotionally abused by many members of her family. I suspect that there are many examples of abuse that I do not know about. Her father, in my opinion, did the ultimate abusive action to her when he killed himself. She has never recovered from that. This was a really cowardly thing for him to do. I do my best to not harbour grudges against anyone -- but this is really hard for me to swallow. And why is it that he only invested 13 years in her life, but he has more influence over her today than I do after 18 years?

In retrospect, I can see abuse in my own family too. My father's mother abused him. I have heard stories from her about forcing him to eat food that he was allergic to. She didn't trust him. She thought he was lieing about the food making him sick. She tried to control him into being the person SHE thought he should be. As a result, he became a dropout. He ended up marrying my mother who also tried to mold him into something that he wasn't. She was just as controlling as his mother. I can see now that he seems to be drawn to controlling women.

I grew up being afraid of my father. My mother would often tell me "You had better not do xxxx like your father!" and "If your father was a real man he would " and things like that. She would often belittle his intelligence in front of me -- then later blame him for all of our problems. I think I internallized this. I developed a fear of being a quitter. I feel like harmony in the home is the man's responsibility. Any tangible or financial problems are the man's job to solve and failure to solve them in a timely manner diminishes he manhood. The man MUST withstand all punishment from the family and the world without a word or else he is incompetent, unworthy, weak, uncaring, and immature. To tell you the truth, I still believe this. I also had an extremely high esteme for women. They are the bearers of life! They are to be protected, provided for, treasured. Any weakness is to be accepted at any and all costs. A competent "Proverbs 31 woman" is the ideal woman. A man's main job in life is to facilitate his wife's self-actualization.


So it is not surprising that I too was attracted to a woman I felt was intelligent, practical, competent, organized, and controlling.